Thursday, February 8, 2007

Once Again into the Fray

I had a personal blog not that long ago. I didn't update it much and tended to do nothing but complain about politics and tell the occasional personal story. After receiving some rather shocking news, that my husband is leaving me, I deleted the whole blog in a fit of angst, anger, or a desire to shut myself off from the world (not sure really). I now regret this, I even killed my first attempt at poetry (other than the assigned stuff from school) in the process. The poem was probably a piece of crap, being a first attempt and all, but the feelings behind it were genuine and I am sad that I destroyed it and will never be able to recreate it.

This is me trying to start over in many ways. I have been told that I am a negative person, I have known it for years, but just recently have come to realize how negative I can be and how much it has affected my life. I have always considered myself a realist, I think of the worst first and feel prepared but hope for the best. However, somewhere along the way I've seemed to have forgotten how to get past the first negative. This is partly why my husband has decided to leave me. Now I'm not saying that this blog will never contain any bitching and moaning, but I'm hoping to find positive things to discuss too, or if I am ranting, to mention one positive thing from the day.

I am going through a lot right now and will probably use this as a place to deal with my issues and work through thoughts and feelings. A divorce I don't want, still having to tell our daughter that we aren't a "regular" family anymore, learning how to socialize and step out of my comfort zone, take risks, try new things, etc. Maybe some of you will want to read about my journey of self discovery, maybe you won't, it's still therapy for me.

I'm also hoping to use this as a place to brag on my daughter, talk about my favorite things, work on over coming my fear of writing.

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